Flirting with the Phlebotomist

She walked in to the examining room carrying a tray of tubes. Young and attractive, her scrubs were deep purple color that complemented her dark hair and pale complexion. Her smile was warm and comforting as she greeted me with familiarity; I’d seen her before. I said, “I think your outfit color is very nice.”. She approached me, smiling and said, “ Well I like your shirt too.” (It was a gray and purple flannel.)

Then she stuck a huge needle in my arm, filled a couple of tubes, and walked out of my life with a few ounces of my blood, another warm smile, and a pleasant, “Have a nice day!”

Yep, it’s a good thing the nurse checked my heart rate before this all happened.

Anyway, this occurred during my annual Medicare required “Wellness Visit”, a yearly ritual that has me wondering what has become of the medical profession. Back in the day, I’d see my doc once a year just to make sure everything was OK. He’d look into my eyes, ears, and throat, listen to my heart, thump my chest and belly, probe my…, and generally look over my whole mostly naked body. We’d chat a bit, he’d schedule some blood work and tell me to lose a few pounds, then send me on my way.

Nowadays, they’re more interested in my state of mind and my lifestyle. Do they really want to know about the sex life of an 81 year old man? During the visit, I remain fully clothed, the doc hardly touches any part of my body, listens to my heart through my shirt (gray & purple flannel), and he tells me I can review the results of the blood work online tomorrow.

Then he asks the bombshell question: “Have you given any thought to how long you want to live?” You see, I’ve been dieting and exercising for three months, and have lost fifteen pounds. My diet contains more of the good stuff, fruit, berries, protein; and fewer bad things like french fries and quarter-pounders with cheese. I can walk and talk and think. But have I thought about how long I want to live?

So I replied like this: “No, I’ve given no thought whatsoever to how long I want to live. If I were to die tomorrow, that would be fine with me. It’s in God’s hands how long I live and when I die. My only thought is to be as healthy as possible for all the days I have left.”

He, replied, “You’re not going to die tomorrow. In fact, given your current state of health and your lifestyle, you could easily live to be a hundred years old.”

I said, “ I can’t live to be a hundred, my money will run out long before that.”

He said, “Well, you could write another book.” (He apparently thinks writers make money.)

I said, “Well the second book would have to actually sell.”

He laughed it off, shook my hand, and wished me well. I really like this young doc, and I felt better after having seen him. So maybe this new way of doing things is OK. I certainly don’t miss the “probe”.

So we are always confident and know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord. For we walk by faith, not by sight. In fact, we are confident, and we would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:6-8 (CSB)