Regular readers may remember that I wrote last year about the painstaking decision to buy a new riding lawnmower to replace my beloved, but aging old one.

However, The new rider was a tractor type, and it was pretty rough riding. I tried to remedy that with some new seat springs, but when I started mowing again early this Spring, my back was really aching after an hour riding that thing.

While out driving one day, I saw a sign announcing the grand opening of a new lawn equipment dealer. That Saturday I decided to go because what could be more exciting than shiny new lawn equipment, free coffee, donuts, and tacos? Big mistake. Getting out of my car, I spied the row of mowing machines parked in front of the store. One in particular grabbed my attention, because in big letters on the from of the machine was the word, “MyRide”. An omen, maybe? A sign from God, perhaps?

So the deal with this Toro zero turn mower, is that the seat and footrest have a suspension, consisting of springs and a shock absorber that isolate them from the rest of the mower. As I was looking it over, the Toro factory rep who was there came over to answer any questions I might have. Having sat on the recliner quality seat, my only question was, “Do they take trades?” He checked with the owners who replied in the affirmative. I went home, but that night, I could not sleep.

Next day I had a conversation with my wife (I will paraphrase) “Are you nuts!? You’re 82 years old! How much longer do you think you’ll be mowing?” (And the traditional wifely buzz-killer: “Can we afford it?”). Well, the machine was $200 off right now.

The following day I slowly drove back to the dealership. I looked heavenward and thought, “Is this a seduction or an opportunity?” There was no audible response. (Prayer is like that by the way. The thing you want, or want to do, is either in accord with the Bible or it’s not. No audible heavenly response is necessary.)

I entered the dealership, put my elbows on the counter, looked the guy in the eye, and said, “Let’s make a deal.” Much conversation ensued, but in the end I presented my plastic and the next day they brought the new mower and hauled away the old one.

Now I did mention, didn’t I, that this is a zero turn mower, right? So there the thing sat in my driveway. It has no steering wheel. It has two levers, one for each hand. I was hoping no one (especially my wife) was watching as I cranked up the big, two cylinder Kohler engine. Tentatively, I pushed on the levers. The machine jerked forward, first in one direction, then the opposite way, zig-zagging up the driveway as if it were being driven by a Saturday night drunk on his way home from one of the million taverns in Wisconsin.

I quickly ricocheted my way to the back yard to try out my moves. Start, stop, turn, spin. It was fun, but completely out of control. I thought, “I better park this thing before someone gets hurt.” Then went inside to read the manual. I also watched some videos on YouTube.

Finally, a couple of days later, it was time to actually mow the lawn. Gingerly touching the handles, I guided the mower along the walks and around the trees. Didn’t look much like the videos, but I didn’t run over anything either. I due time, the mowing was done. The lines were reasonably straight, the grass all a uniform height.

Oh, yeah. the thing rides like a dream. I’m thinking of trading in my car.